Insert Witty Title Here

This is going to be a fairly angst-ridden blog post, so please be prepared.

Senior year of college is such a confusing time. There are so many paths one can take. There's the dilemma of whether or not having a good time outweighs the importance of getting all your work done in a timely fashion. Half of me wants to go crazy and have the most fun ever, and the other half of me wants to buckle down and be serious. I guess that's what makes this year such a critical year. Most of college is fairly aimless and low stakes. For me, anyway. Yes, I know, I'm a theatre major. But that doesn't mean I haven't been given my fair share of work. Thus far, my college career has felt like something I've floated through. I haven't had major responsibilities because my parents are still supporting me. I've had assignments or tasks that I've had to get done, but I've some how made it this far without really giving my all. And that goes for essentially every arena of my life. I've never given 100% to my school work, and I've never given 100% to my personal life. I've turned down countless social opportunities (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating) due to my constant exhaustion and low motivation level. Most college students go out multiple times a week - how they afford it, I'll never know. This year, for me anyway, has also been confusing in terms of what I want. Do I want to be single or attached? Carefree or committed? I view things as very black and white. Another question: am I ready for ANY of this? For my future? For another person to enter my life? Holy crap, this is confusing.

This year is such a turning point because I feel like it's somewhere in between adolescence and adulthood. While in college, it's all about meeting people and downing cheap beer after cheap beer. If only life continued like that forever. This year was the first time I've ever really thought about what's next. Now it's all I think about. I'm not a fan of this new interest in my future. It scares the bejebus (I googled that spelling...I have no clue if it's correct : / ) out of me. To top it all off, I've never been very good at transitions. I act like I'm still on the last step but feel like I want to move on. Or I act like I've matured and am ready for adulthood but secretly just want to be reckless. I'm never very constant in what I want, think or do.

What's going on with my brain?? Senior year is the pits.

SENIIIOOOORRRSSSS.

Here we go again. Senior year.

While being a senior in college is certainly different from being a senior in high school, I still can't help but take a trip down memory lane.

I feel that same restless feeling that I felt when I was in high school - Basically, "WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL HERE??"

One monumental difference is that the actual end of schooling might be in sight. After senior year of high school, the next step was, without question, college. While high school was over, school itself was not. After college, the future is uncertain. It's equal parts exciting and ridiculously intimidating. I'd like to say I'm going straight to grad school, but as I've come to learn in recent weeks, my ideal after college plans might be slightly too grandiose. Grad school + New York City apartment + pursuing an acting career = breaking the bank. So what's a girl to do?

My number one desire for post college life is living in New York. I hope more than anything that my other wishes and dreams will have a chance to come into fruition, but until then, looking forward to moving to the city of my dreams is enough for me.

Let's just hope senioritis doesn't get the best of me.

When I Grow Up.

I wish I could know for sure that I will be financially secure when I'm older. As much as I'd love to believe that I will be able to make a living just acting, this is probably not likely. Such is life. The more enjoyable a job is, the less it will pay. BAH.

The most immediate dilemma with my future is what to do after I graduate. The options that I've come up with are either doing some sort of acting conservatory or graduate program, or get my Master's in something that will actually get me money. OR I could possibly do a Master's degree in something other than theatre AND take classes at an acting studio. That probably makes the most sense. Le sigh.

There are several careers that I will accept as my fallback. I'm using the term fallback loosely - I am almost 100% sure that I will pursue one of these careers regardless of what happens with acting. I hope so, at least. I must stay motivated!

The only legitimate careers I can see myself having are either something in the psychology world or in publishing. For some reason I love reading, writing, editing, etc. Methinks this is because I have such a hard time formulating coherent sentences when I am speaking. I tend to shift direction when I'm speaking halfway through a sentence - this is no bueno. When writing, I can make sure what I'm trying to say is somewhat coherent. But I digress.

Please oh please oh please let me make some money in the future. That'd be fab.

One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor.

This week has been full of good idea bears! I have gone to the gym every day this week thus far - I even went twice yesterday! Now this may not be a big deal for the exercise savvy, but for me, it's monumental. The times - they are a changin'.

More importantly - this weekend is the fabulous drunken day that is known as Tigerfest. Because Towson is a huge party school, this is the event Towson students most look forward to. Like on Homecoming, the assumption is that most students will wake up earlier than usual simply to start getting drunk, and will maintain that intoxication for the whole day, and maybe even the whole weekend. Thus, Tigerfest is basically a whole bunch of drunk (mostly underage) people on a field. Towson is trying to cut down on the amount of irresponsible drinking, and, if I'm correct, is limiting the Beer Garden to two beers per person. That is bad idea bears. This just means people will get drunk ahead of time, and cause even more of a ruckus. This is going to be fabulous!

Oh the debauchery that will ensue.

Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee.

Yesterday and today have been good in terms of honing my domesticity. Last night I baked a cake (not from scratch, but isn't that still being domestic?), and today I bought groceries and most miraculously, cleaned my room! My floor is spotless, minus the odd bobby pin or penny. Despite the random bobby pins and pennies, my room is ridiculously better off than it was this morning.

Before my roommate and I went to the grocery store, I began to move things around in my room. This was brought on by my father's delivery of a Pilates chair that I didn't know I was receiving. 'Twas a fabulous surprise. Anyhoo, I tried moving things around to make room for the chair. At the peak of my unsuccessful reorganization, there were three items of furniture along the second longest wall in my room, making my tiny room look even smaller. This, clearly, was not going to do. The roommate told me to relax and deal with it when we returned. I took her advice, and came back with A VENGEANCE (yes, that's not a proper usage, and yes, I had to look up the correct spelling), resulting in a slightly reorganized, much cleaner room.

All in all, today was a good day. I even left out some goodies! Here is an official recap - I was surprised with a Pilates chair, ate Chipotle, got the new Kelly Clarkson CD for free from some radio station that had a spinny wheel in front of Boston Market (they made me win on purpose!), got groceries, cleaned my room, and typed this blog. Actually, I also started writing another stupidlamedorky chick-lit novel. I know, I'm a tool.

Domesticity - I will make you proud!

Let's Get Physical.

Today marks the one month anniversary of my surgery. Which means I can go back to my usual exercise routine! Not to say I am someone who works out all that frequently, but when you are not allowed to do something, it seems all the more desirable. The same goes for certain kinds of foods during Passover, which also happens to end today. Tonight, rather. Pizza is not something I eat every week, but when you are not allowed to eat pizza for a week, it can be tough. We all desire what we can't have. I know that all too well. Le sigh.

ANYWAY, as the date clearly underlines, we are nearing the end of the school year. My last exam is May 18th, which means I have a little over a month left before summer. This is fabulous news. When ever the school year comes to a close, the end can't come soon enough. In the middle of the year, I'm perfectly fine with waiting. When the end is in sight, however, waiting is excruciating. Last year, when I went home during exam week, it was cold. That's depressing. At least stupid April rain seems to be taking a break. Today is sunny and warm, with a cool breeze. Faboo.

I should really pay attention to Anthropology instead of blogging. Alas, this will never happen. :-)

Extenuating Circumstances.

Here is the play-by-play of the last week of my horrid, horrid life:
Monday: Arrive in California and head to my mother's office. Then proceed to have a delicious dinner at my second favorite burger joint. While trying to go to sleep, I have an excruciating stomach ache. Off to the emergency room.
Tuesday: Am diagnosed with gall stones. Appointment with surgeon is set for next day.
Wednesday: Appointment with surgeon. Gall bladder removal is necessary sooner rather than later. Opening on Thursday. Must be fate.
Thursday: Go in for surgery. Ouch.
Friday - Monday: Lie on couch and attempt to walk periodically.
Tuesday: Lie on couch, then go get hair cut. Silver lining!
Wednesday: Checkup with surgeon. Everything looks good. I discover I cannot do anything physical for another three weeks or so. I have a movement class. Oh god.
Thursday: Fly home. Late at night, find out I missed exam.

I am screwed.

Twenty-one Going On Thirty-five.

Sometimes I think I am a woman in her thirties trapped in a twenty-one year old's body. This is an interesting idea because I absolutely love being young. Every year when I celebrate my birthday, I feel monumentally older than the year before. This leads me to believe that I want to cherish my younger years. However, I really do feel like a thirty something. It's strange to me.

I am certainly immature in many situations, but I find that I feel a lot older than many of the people around me. Instead of going to frat parties, I'd rather stay at home with a glass of wine and a book or go out to a nice restaurant and order some drinks. What's wrong with me?? I'm an anomale!

I also secretly want to be in a serious relationship - one that's on its way to marriage. Oh my.

I'm too young to be thinking this way.

STRESSED.

I feel very stressed about the upcoming weeks.

I am monumentally busy from now until Spring Break. This is going to be difficult to survive. This coming week is all run throughs for Miss Julie, followed by tech. Tomorrow I have four classes, one of which will involve test taking, Directing Scene auditions, then rehearsal, which will go on until God knows when. Main stage auditions are either next week or the one after that. Hopefully the one after that. I am just now attempting to memorize the monologue I have chosen. Shakespeare is a cruel mistress.

My monumental busy-ness (typing business when the intended pronunciation is busy-ness doesn't seem right) has made me relish my days off and weekends, especially these past two which were spent at home. When I'm at home I feel like it's an actual break from school, which means no busy-ness.

What I need is Spring Break. I really really really need Spring Break. Why do I let responsibilities, like memorizing monologues, wait until the last minute??

Spring Break cannot come soon enough.

Kiss Me, It's Beginning To Snow.

There have been several bouts of snow this month, but I have not been outside to witness them :-(. Sad. Snow is magical. The best mornings are the ones where you wake up in your warm cozy bed and see a blanket of snow covering every rooftop and tree. I have a memory of a snowy night where two of my friends and I leaped through the snow, imagining that we were in a British romantic comedy. Le sigh.

One week and six days separate me from the official beginning of Winter break. So close, yet so far. Actual classes end next Monday, and exams end the following Monday.

Oy humbug.

The Dream Life.

I can't verbalize what I have been feeling these past couple weeks. Months. Whatever. I can't help but think that my "funk" has to do with the fact that I'm here, in dreary old Maryland, instead of New York City.

I feel like even loneliness would be less lonely in a city like New York.

After nearly twenty one years of Maryland, it's time for me to get out.

Oy humbug.

The Chrismukkah Season Is Approaching.

The one tiny sliver of excitement in my hum drum life is the upcoming Chrismukkah season. My love of this season is beyond receiving presents. I don't think I could say it any better than the e-card I have placed above this text.

The last couple of weeks of Fall semester are always painful. My brain always tends to be on the next step, I.E. being home. I think I'm one of those people who are focused on the destination, and not the journey.

I genuinely believe college should be only two years. The first year is tolerable because everything is new, and the second year is more routine and you're settled in. The third year is just kind of floating around until graduation. It's hard. Senior year, I would imagine, is similar to the first year, in that the excitement of what's to come makes going to school seem okay.

I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to stay at school an extra semester. I think my head would explode.

That said, have a wonderful Chrismukkah season and remember to buy me wonderful presents!

Sarah's 2008 Chrismukkah Wish List (That She Will Likely Receive Nothing From) [In No Particular Order]
1. Coach purse (specifically the overpriced Sabrina satchel in black patent leather)
2. Chanel purse (it's a WISH list, okay?)
3. Fabulous boots (black or brown in color, suede in material, and fabulous in execution)
4. New phone (mine sucks)
5. Digital camera (mine mysteriously stopped working) [not so mysteriously...I think it was tainted by a mixed drink]

I can't think of anything else! I'll come up with something.

Merry winter to all, and to all a good night (of drunken debauchery).

The End Is Near.

I am currently in class. To be more specific, Theories of Theatre.

I'm over it.

I am not a fan of college and I feel I could be happier elsewhere. However, it is too late in the game to make such a drastic change. It'd be wasting two and a half years of my life, let alone thousands of my parents' dollars.

Exams are in two weeks. Winter break will follow. This is something to look forward to. Being home is nice.

I am in a funk. But it'll get better.

I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine..."
Yes, I'll be just fine.

The Futile It Outweighs The Beautiful.

Shana Tova! Almost, anyway. I am looking forward to some yummy brisket or something of the sort. Mmmm.

I am still on the look out for a job. If people actually read this, they could help me. Alas, they do not.

I shall now compile a list:

Things I Need To Do
1. Start doing my homework
2. Find a new job
3. Prepare for the upcoming auditions
4. Learn to cook better - or at all
5. Start saving the little money I have
6. Go on a health kick
7. Take yoga classes?
8. Purchase water
9. Purchase printer paper
10. Organize my room - and thoughts

That is all for now. TTYL!!!!!111

Live High.

I have been living in my apartment at school for about a month. I'm quite enjoying it. However, I'm still feeling off. Oh well.

I've been working at a used textbook store. Unfortch, they will no longer need me in a week. I need a new job! Agh.

I just wish I could forget all of my angst (I ain't no teenager) and live more happily and freely. Oh, yes.

Holiday From Real.

My brain is filled to the brim with negative thoughts that make me feel nauseous. This is not good. Well, obvi. I need to stop letting other people's stuff make me feel bad about myself. I shall do what Dr. McKenna from "I Can Make You Thin" says and look at myself through the eyes of someone who loves and respects me. Where can I find such a loser? PAH. Just kidding. Kinda.

I have too much work that I've been putting off. I should have memorized my scene and practiced my poem. But, alas, I did not.

I guess I should go to bed.

Dark and Twisty.

Quoting TV shows is annoying but in this case it's appropriate. Like Meredith Grey, I am dark and twisty inside. I have lots of thoughts...most of which I do not enjoy having on my mind.

I took my nose ring out. It was an upsetting choice to make, but it was probably for the better. It would suck if my nose ring was the death of me because of a silly infection.

I'm stuck. I need to do something to shake up my boring hum drum life. Maybe I should get a job. Yeah.

Spring Break is in a couple of weeks. I enjoy that thought.

So Glad We Made It, Time Will Never Change It.

Hello, friends. It's been a while.

Last night, I enjoyed the musical stylings of the Spice Girls on their world tour. Twas in Jersey, but I sacrificed cleanliness to be close to godliness. See what I did there? They were amazing. Absolutely amazing. Oh how they've grown. Oh how WE'VE grown! It's trippy.

My brain has too many thoughts. I get sad when I think. Thus, thinking is evil.

I want to transfer to a school in New York...Bad idea? Probably. It's just a dream.

Is it summer break yet?

Everything's Breaking Down Now.

Oh man. Life is pretty unexciting. Kind of saddening.

At least it's my favorite time of the year, present-wise. First comes Hanukkah, then comes Christmas, then comes my birthday. It's like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am holiday extravaganza! Thankfully, my birthday is far enough from the other two holidays that they are not all lumped together. The only thing that should be lumped together is crab cake. Mmmm crab cake.

I need to do something different with my appearance. I need to switch it up!

Is it winter break yet?

Waiting On The World To Change

This is not a political statement. I am referring to my own world.

Life is chaotic, as usual. Due dates to adhere to, people to entertain, mental health issues to address...

My roommate is playing with Goldfish. I think she's insane.

I miss the good old days. Grades didn't matter...People weren't so sensitive...Alcohol was a dirty word...What has our world come to?

I need something exciting to happen. Yes, that would be nice.

I hate Sundays.